Top 10 Reasons to See a Sex Therapist

If you're struggling in your intimate life—whether emotionally, physically, or relationally—you're not alone. Many people find themselves feeling disconnected from their sexuality, overwhelmed by shame, unsure how to communicate about sex, or stuck in unsatisfying patterns. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to stay stuck. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.

As a certified sex and relationship therapist in Orange County, I help individuals and couples navigate a wide range of sexual concerns with compassion, curiosity, and expert guidance. Whether you're dealing with painful sex, mismatched desire, infidelity, or simply want to enjoy sex more, sex therapy can be a life-changing resource.

Here are the top 10 reasons to see a sex therapist—and how it can help you cultivate a more connected, confident, and pleasurable sex life.

10. Difficulty with Sexual Functioning

Struggling with issues like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed orgasm, low libido, or difficulty reaching orgasm can impact both your self-esteem and your relationships. These challenges are incredibly common—and incredibly isolating when left untreated.

Sexual dysfunction can occur for a wide variety of reasons, including stress, anxiety, trauma, hormonal changes, medical conditions, and relationship dynamics. In fact, research shows that up to 43% of women or people assigned female at birth (AFAB) and 31% of men or people assigned male at birth (AMAB) experience some form of sexual dysfunction.

Sex therapy provides a safe, shame-free space to explore these issues and uncover underlying emotional or psychological barriers. Working together, we can develop strategies, tools, and referrals (when needed) to support lasting change and sexual confidence.

9. Pain During Sex

If you’re experiencing pain with penetration, discomfort during intimacy, or involuntary muscle contractions (such as with vaginismus), you might feel scared, frustrated, or even broken. Painful sex—also known as dyspareunia—can have a profound effect on self-worth, desire, and partner dynamics.

As a sex therapist, I often collaborate with pelvic floor physical therapists and medical professionals to create an integrated approach to treatment. Together, we’ll address the emotional impact of painful sex, reduce anxiety, and explore ways to reintroduce pleasure and trust into your sexual experiences.

8. Mismatched Libidos

One of the most common reasons couples seek sex therapy is mismatched sexual desire. Maybe one partner wants sex more frequently than the other—or in different ways. This dynamic can lead to feelings of rejection, resentment, shame, or pressure.

Sex therapy helps couples understand their unique desire styles (including responsive vs. spontaneous desire), rebuild emotional intimacy, and learn how to navigate differences without blame or pressure. Instead of “fixing” one person, we explore new ways to connect, communicate, and cultivate intimacy that works for both partners.

7. Recovering from Sexual Trauma

Past experiences of sexual abuse, assault, or violation can deeply impact a person’s relationship with their body, their partners, and their sexuality. You might experience numbness, fear, dissociation, or guilt around sex—sometimes years after the trauma occurred.

Healing from sexual trauma requires a trauma-informed and compassionate approach. As a therapist trained in both sex therapy and trauma recovery, I create a safe space where you can reclaim your sense of agency, rebuild trust in your body, and develop a new relationship with pleasure—on your terms, at your pace.

6. Exploring Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity

Sexual orientation and gender identity are complex, evolving, and deeply personal. Whether you’re questioning, coming out, transitioning, or simply seeking clarity, a sex therapist can provide nonjudgmental support.

You don’t need a “reason” to explore your identity. Therapy can help you navigate internal and external challenges, develop language for your experiences, and build a sense of pride and wholeness in who you are.

I proudly serve LGBTQIA+ clients in Orange County and beyond, offering a safe, affirming space to explore identity, orientation, relationships, and embodiment.

5. Improving Communication Around Sex

Let’s face it: most of us were never taught how to talk about sex. As a result, many couples struggle to express their needs, set boundaries, or ask for what they want without feeling awkward, anxious, or ashamed.

Learning how to communicate about sex is one of the most powerful steps you can take toward a more connected and satisfying relationship. In therapy, I help individuals and couples:

• Identify and articulate desires and boundaries

• Navigate tough conversations around libido, fantasies, or unmet needs

• Cultivate emotional safety and mutual understanding

• Reduce anxiety and shame around sexual expression

You can learn to talk about sex with ease—and sex therapy can help you get there.

4. Healing from Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences a couple can go through. Whether it was an emotional affair, a physical betrayal, or something in between, the impact on trust, communication, and intimacy can be profound.

If both partners are committed to rebuilding the relationship, sex therapy can provide a structured and supportive environment for healing. Together, we can:

• Unpack the root causes of the affair

• Rebuild trust and emotional safety

• Reconnect sexually and emotionally

• Explore what each partner needs to move forward

Healing after betrayal is possible—and therapy can be the starting point.

3. Concerns Around Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior (OCSB) or what some call “Sex Addiction”

If you feel that your sexual behaviors are compulsive, secretive, or causing harm to your relationships, work, or self-worth, sex therapy can help you regain control and insight. While not all high-frequency sexual behavior is “addictive,” it can be distressing when it interferes with your values or life goals.

As a therapist, I take a non-pathologizing approach to OCSB, helping clients:

• Understand their behavior in the context of emotional needs, trauma, or attachment wounds

• Develop tools for emotional regulation and impulse control

• Address shame and self-judgment

• Create healthier, more fulfilling expressions of sexuality

2. Navigating Changes in Sexuality Due to Life Events

Life transitions—like pregnancy, postpartum, menopause, aging, illness, or injury—can all impact desire, pleasure, and sexual function. These changes are often deeply emotional and can trigger grief, confusion, or frustration.

Sex therapy helps individuals and couples adapt to these shifts with empathy and creativity. Whether you’re struggling with body image postpartum, adjusting to menopause, or exploring sexuality after illness, you deserve support in keeping intimacy alive in every season of life.

1. A Desire to Enhance Sexual Pleasure

Here’s the best-kept secret about sex therapy: it’s not just for problems—it’s for pleasure.

Many individuals and couples come to therapy not because something is wrong, but because they want to learn more about themselves, deepen their connection, and enhance their sex lives. Therapy can help you:

• Explore new desires and fantasies

• Learn more about your erotic blueprint

• Increase intimacy and emotional connection

• Develop new tools for mutual pleasure

Sex therapy is a celebration of growth, curiosity, and empowerment—and there is no shame in wanting more joy, more pleasure, and more connection in your sex life.

Is Sex Therapy Right for You?

Whether you’re facing a specific concern or simply want to improve your relationship with sex and intimacy, working with a sex therapist can be a transformative experience. Therapy offers tools, support, and insight you won’t find in books or on social media—and it meets you exactly where you are.

Ready to take the next step?

Whether you’re curious, hurting, or ready for something more, you deserve support. Let’s talk. If this blog spoke to you, share it with someone who might benefit—and be sure to check out my YouTube channel for more tips on sexual wellness and intimacy.

About the author

Holly is a leading expert in sexual health based in Orange County, certified as both a clinical sexologist and AASECT sex therapist. With Ph.D. studies in Human Sexuality and extensive experience in sex therapy, sexual wellness, and relationship counseling, Holly provides evidence-based insights to clients in Orange County, the state of California and beyond. Recognized for expertise in libido, sexual dysfunction, and intimacy, Holly is dedicated to empowering individuals with practical advice and research-backed strategies. For more, follow Holly for expert advice on sexual health and relationships.

Visit www.thehollywoodsexologist.com to learn more and request a consultation.